Conscious solitude is healthy. The “lone-wolf syndrome” is not

One of the biggest barriers to my continued growth as an entrepreneur (and as a human being in my life in general) has been the lack of someone trusted, honest and knowledgeable to talk and listen to openly about my challenges and aspirations.

I used to think that I could and had to do it all by myself; all by my own. I would clench my fists in my pockets and say to myself: “I don’t need anyone else to make my way up and be successful!”

I thought, there’s no one who can (and should) tell me what to do and how to do it. In order to live my life on my own terms and do things my way, no one else should have a say in it; and no one would understand me anyway.

The story in my head

For a long time in the past, I’ve had this story in my head that I’m the only one who knows what I want, what I should be doing with my professional and personal life and, most importantly, who I am on an identity level as well as deep down inside.

Although it’s true that only you know your deepest truths and your needs and desires. No one else can tell you who you are, what you should do, and what you’re allowed to receive or have in your life. (If someone does, it’s merely their expectation or projection onto you).

But the downside of this insight and self-centredness can be that you separate yourself from others, even from those who want to share their appreciation, gifts or love with you; not to mention those who criticise you and are sometimes your best teachers.

That’s what happened to me before I started to become more aware of myself and my life. I even cut myself off from my loved ones, good friends and business partners.

I had created my own limits

On a superficial level, I felt that I was just following my own path ("I'll do it my way...") – and that this separation was normal for an adventurer of life, as I’d described myself.

At the beginning of my professional journey as a political journalist or later as a business lawyer, this separation had no significant (visible) negative impact because of the surface level on which I was operating.

But this physical and psychological separation that I put myself into made me feel sad and lonely over time. Deep inside, I was missing deeper connections and fruitful exchanges – not only as a human being, but in my various roles in life, for example as an entrepreneur who wanted to grow beyond limits.

I had created my own limits to growth, or inner boundaries, because I was not able to innovate and create anything new because I lacked the clarity and inspiration that comes from sharing with others.

With this, and some very old self-doubts that came up in my mind when there was less (uplifting, encouraging) sharing with others at this time, I greatly undermined my success and further growth – not just once. It felt like I didn’t have access to my former creativity, energy and power.

Having no one to talk to also undermined my clarity – seeing myself from an outside perspective and missing impulses about where I wanted to go next.

My main take-away from those days

Solitude is a good and healthy thing to practice from time to time. Complete isolation and loneliness – acting out the “lone-wolf syndrome” – isn’t.

In fact, it’s counterproductive if you want to grow beyond your limitations and use your deeper gifts to contribute to the lives of others — which is what I always wanted to do.

It wasn’t until I embarked on my personal development journey, taking part in intensive courses and hiring a 1-on-1 mentor and coach, that something profound changed.

Hearing (or rather, no longer refusing to hear) an outside perspective on myself helped me to reconnect with my inner source and practically (!) inspired me to move in a more fulfilling direction in my life and work.

The biggest steps of growth that I have taken in my professional journey have almost always come after deeper conversations with a professional who has often just held a mirror up to me and offered me a different and often much bigger perspective so that I could see more of who I am, what I want to do and what I am capable of.